Caption contests ran from July 2006 to February 2008. The following is an archive of the fun we had:

In an effort to liven up this site, I decided to introduce a bit of fun in the form of a caption contest. Every week, I’ll post an interesting photo that’s just begging for a witty caption. Click on the article and leave your captions in the comments section. At the end of the week, the captions will be judged, a winner will be announced, and points will be awarded. Best of all, you’ll be able to trade in your points for prizes at the end of the year! Yeah, I know…fun, huh?! So be sure to visit Mottfam.com often and let the captions flow like wine. Let’s make it a 3-caption limit per week for each contributor. If you think of another caption during the week, you’re more than welcome to submit it. Hey, the more, the merrier!

gold = weekly winner
bronze = weekly runner-up

Caption Contest #1

01gold Betsy: Hey kids! Tired of waiting for your old man to take you to the mall? Introducing Inflatable Dad!© Complete with real* drivers license! Just inflate and go! From the people who brought you Inflatable Friend© *not issued by the United States of America

bronze Emma: “i know i am allergic to peanuts but they taste so good!”

Andy: “Now if only I had a human with me I could drive in the carpool lane!”

Margaret: *No dummy was harmed in the making of the film “driving for dummies”

Dad Mott: “Even a dummy knows how important it is to wear seatbelts!”

Emily: “It’s so real. It’s so real!”

Steve: “Not satisfied with the car’s pre-installed safety features, Robert had an ‘operation’ to ensure that he would never be injured in an auto accident ever again.”

Mom Huntington: “Mr. Frankenstein meet hot-air Bruce”

Edward: “Rob decides that inflating himself will be much more efficient than using standardized airbags.”

Andy: “Decreased funding in R&D causes Volvo to make dramatic cutbacks in spending. . .”

Lily: Instead of sneaking out of the house to hang with his friends and leaving a dummy in bed to fool his parents, Billy would sneak home for a nap and cleverly leave a dummy to go out cruising with his buddies.

Betsy: “dear me…I feel awfully bloated today…”

Margaret: “I think i’m going to EXPLODE!”

Andy: “See Jane? Even without my hat I still don’t fit! Let’s go look at a convertible.”

Steve: “Does this shirt make me look fat?”

Jenny: “and others . . . don’t. Hm, hm.”

Becky: Meet Jack – your Personal Floatation Device (PFD). Intended for calm, inland water with heavy boat traffic, where help is always nearby. Also makes a great travel companion. WARNING: Not for unconscious persons. Not for nonswimmers or children. Not for many hours in rough water.

Ryan: Drew Carey trying to act cool

Ryan: “Which way to the beach?, . . . man”

Becky: A papercut could be ‘deadly’. . .

Ryan: In a low Dana Carvey on Wayne’s World voice: “I was supposed to meet ‘Barbie’. . . here?”

Caption Contest #2

02gold Edward: Sadly, their marriage wouldn’t last–Dan was a liar, a cheater and a thief, and Mary was a bison.

gold Steve: “Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam…”

bronze Mom Huntington: “Jus’ hasent been the same since Ma’s been gone”

Andy: “Bessie, how many times do I have to tell you—use your silverware!”

Andy: “Bessie—poisoned by her date—helplessly drowns in a bowl of soup.”

Emily: “Aw, Bessie, darlin’… have I ever told ya that yer eyes are the color beautiful?”

Steve: “I think one of us is in the wrong house…”

Steve: “So then Downtown Brown told me that private investigators aren’t real detectives. Can you believe that, AJ? Hey, wait a second! You’re not AJ!!”

Becky: Q: What did the man say to his son as he was leaving for school? A: Bison!

Becky: "There ain’t a bison in this world that wouldn’t love to be in yur hoofs! Just remember that . . ."

Mom Huntington: “Jus’ hasent been the same since Ma’s been gone”

Andy: “Get over it, Bessie—there’s only one chair and it’s my week!”

Mom Huntington: Martha Stewart’s worst nightmare.

Betsy: “Susan, now, you know I love yeh, but…I jus don’t think this South Beach Diet thing is workin out fer yeh.”

Betsy: “Hehe…just wait til I tell the kids what I got out of the cereal box.”

Lily: Bison. Feeding you like family.

Mom Mott: “Where’s the beef?”

Dad Mott: What is this human doing in my kitchen??

Dad Mott: I told you I can’t fly. I haven’t got my buffalo wings yet.

Mom Mott: Buffalo Bill won’t you come out tonight…

Margaret: *awkward silence* *slurp* *awkward silence*

Caption Contest #3

03gold Andy: As the engineers giddily ran along side their latest accomplisment, their hearts suddenly stopped in horror. Unbeknownst to them, the pilot had been instructed to execute the “final” phase of the test— The bomb bay doors began to open.

bronze Margaret: “Look! It’s a plane!” “Naw, It’s a bird!” “Actually guys, I’ts a Plird.” “Oooohhhh….”

Andy: “Billy—tired of being picked on by the ‘bad-7ven’ neigborhood gang—invents a ‘new’ way of getting to school.”

Ryan: When a member of the blue-shirt team found an alternate method for winning the race, their spirits “soared.” Meanwhile, the white-shirt team remembered the weapons they had placed near the finish line and ran on bravely for the ultimate victory.

Ryan: After losing the cabin, the pilot circled back around, desparate to find any survivors. He was frantic to find some semblance of life remaining after such a horrific tragedy, only to find his passengers running for their lives, screaming “WA-A-A-AIT, WAIT FOR US!”. Later, after a devastating Supreme Court ruling, Boeing bought each passenger his own plane – AND replaced their luggage.

Becky: “Da plane! Da plane!”

Steve: “Confound those kids and their winged, flying jigga-ma-whatzit-do-dad!”

Mom Huntington: today the parking lot of an airport, tomorrow the Olympics!

Steve: “Wait, Mom, wait! Who will cook us dinner and clean our rooms?!”

Emma: we need to get littil Jimmy down before mom finds out what we’er up to!

Edward: At last, Arnold understood their cries–but it was too late. The plane was naked; yes, the plane was naked.

Steve: “…and they’re neck and neck! Blue Nancy has the lead. No, it’s White Velvet! This is gonna be an incredible finish, folks! Blue Nancy! White Velvet! Definitely Blue Nancy — but wait! What is this?! Oh my goodness, folks! Out of nowhere! Flying Bandit?! Yes! Flying Bandit jumps ahead! — and it’s Flying Bandit! Flying Bandit wins by a nose! What a race!”

Emma: this must be the new kid in town

Lily: Oh no! The kids didn’t think their solar-powered plane would work on such an overcast day!

Betsy: “Guys, GUYS!! We forgot to put the brakes on this thing!!”

Dad Huntington: Later, after this one good “thwap!”, the little tailer would boast, “Seven with one blow!”

Margaret: “That’s one more for exotic bird bingo!”

Jenny: Hey man—grab the bug spray!

Dad Mott: Dad! Dad! When do my friends and I get to play with my birthday present??? Dad? Dad?

Caption Contest #4

04gold Andy: Nevermind your skin, Harrold. If you keep holding your breath for that long, you’ll have brain damage like I did. And believe me—this machine thing they implanted doesn’t help much.

gold Dad Huntington: “Yes…but FRATERNAL. Orthon, here, looks much more like Mom.”

gold Emma: what are you looking at?

gold Steve: “Hey Fred, do you ever get the feeling that we’re not alone in this universe — that somewhere out there, there are strange and marvelous creatures waiting to be discovered?!” “Every time I look in the mirror, Joe. Every time I look in the mirror…”

bronze Lily: “I dunno Francis…you think she’d go for me?” “Aww c’mon…pull yourself together, creature!”

bronze Mom Huntington: “We are two, wild, crazy guys!”

bronze Oliver: “…and that’s when she left me.”

Andy: “Wire up your brains / Get those limbs on tight / Max all the dials on your arm this time / Tell Parental Unit One / You need that final weapons upgrade tonight”

Becky: “Hey, Joe, ya think we scared ‘em off? They said we should come to baby Sophie’s birthday party in costume. We even brought props.” “I just don’t think we complement Minnie Mouse.”

Emily: Oh please! Do you think that guy’s tail really is authentic?

Edward: That girl is such a nerd.

Steve: “Ok, first of all I am Mr. Zorgon…that’s MRS. Zorgon, my wife! Second, we can both hear you just fine — I do have 4 ears you know! And furthermore, my wife doesn’t want to check her hat — it’s attached to her skull you nitwit!”

Andy: “All your posters are belong to us.”

Emily: “Woah-ho-ho! Check out the legs on that arresting critter. Dat be a finnne specimen!” “Heck yes. Heck yes.”

Paxton: Andy: “Steve this is the best Mott Family Reunion ever!” Steve: “I totally agree, but next year can we do Star Wars?”

Paxton: “So I guess we’ll think twice next time about breaking ‘The Honor Code’!” “Yeah, I wonder if they made the football players do this too?”

Paxton: While admiring their newborn offspring, Feluxilor (picture left) inquires of Wungfurlicon (pictured right), “Who do you think our offspring looks like?” “I’m not sure but it definitely has your ears!” “Aw you’re just saying that! . . . Are those your antenna sprouts on its head?”

Margaret: “Brittany?…Brittany!!!” “Gah! What now Sasha?!” “I swear i have have a gigantic bug on my head, get it off GET IT OFF!!” “For the third time you dum-dum, it’s just the Boom-box you’ve got implanted on your head, remember?” “oh yeah…”

Caption Contest #5

05gold Margaret: “Oh yeah?? Then why don’t you come up and FIGHT ME?!” “I…can’t…none of us can.”

bronze Bryn: “If I only worked a little harder, I could’ve been chill’n at the North Pole with Rudolf.”

Mom Huntington: “Tell us more about these ‘humans’ daddy.”

Becky: “Paparazzo great Sam Hunter captured this exclusive photo of Santa’s elves on vacation – their first trip to Europe.”

Steve: Their strategy was ingenious. Some would appear to be lounging in the warm sun — others would read quietly. Then, without warning, the seemingly peaceful gnomes would lay waste to the entire city. This rare photo was shot moments before the siege of ’64.

Paxton: Junior gnomes listen intently to the Travelocity Gnome, turned motivation speaker, tells them his secrets for traveling the world free.

Andy: “…and the children waited outside during the sealing.”

Jenny: Sod would have been nice too…

Andy: After someone introduced the “no touching the dirt” rule, the kids’ game of tag quickly came to a stop.

Bryn: 'Dirt 101' at Garden Gnome University…“Note how the dirt is a lighter brown when dry. Let us see what happens when we add water.”

Betsy: “Aslan is on the move!! He will save us from our frozen state!”

Margaret: The Garden Knomes “off duty.”

Margaret: “I greatly detest this job, it’s terribly unengaging!” “I would suggest that you follow the example of your brethren and read.” “You are but a sick lad…a sick lad indeed.”

Emma: i don’t think that seed is going to turn into a tree cause we’ve been here for three days and nothing has happened!

Paxton: “We’ve got you surrounded, and we’re not backing down until you take down that ridiculous ‘Carpet Loves Sock Feet’ sign!”

Dad Huntington: Maresydotes and dozydotes and liddlelambzydivey / Anomalydivey too … woodenchew?

Caption Contest #6

06gold Lily: Year 22 of the town parade. Darn Joan and Mertyl for getting front row seats every stinkin’ year. Think of the children…

bronze Emma: “This is the best retirement center I’ve seen yet…I feel 20 years younger.”

Paxton: “Marge, would you look at that rainbow! It’s absolutely breath-taking! It’s so beautiful it almost doesn’t even look REAL!”

Andy: Bill: ". . . so . . . running for president, huh?" Hillary: ". . . yup." Bill: ". . . [sigh]"

Steve: “What’s so amazing that keeps us star gazing, and what do we think we might see?”

Dad Huntington: “You know, if you sneeze, you’ll lose him AND his pot of gold!”

Andy: Ever since her sister was put in the rest home, Lucy always had to remember not to sit on Betty’s imaginary friend, Sam.

Paxton: “You know the older I get, the more I realize life become less like a ‘box of chocolates,’ and more like a glass of Metamucil.”

Paxton: “Now Gert, don’t you think you’re a little OLD to be meeting men on MY SPACE!?” “Well, how would YOU suggest I get my grandson to come spend time with me! Besides his profile said he was interested in older women . . . We’re older women aren’t we!”

Steve: “My grandson warned me one time about the ‘Rainbow Road.’ So stay vigilant, Harriet…a blue shell could spell doom.”

Mom Huntington: “So anyway Gertrude he said his name was Noah something…go figure.”

Maria Olsen (through Betsy): Over the rainbow or over the hill?

Margaret: “I can’t take this anymore!” “whats wrong?” “Bertha…lets go fly a kite.” “WHA?!”

Caption Contest #8 (7 skipped)

08gold Paxton: “Although Rick was excited to find out he had won a life-time supply of coke, he wished he had known prior to delivery! Then he and his family wouldn’t be faced with the daunting task of drinking their way out of the house!”

gold Steve: After 12 consecutive years of knocking to no avail, Charles, the Coca-Cola delivery-man, began to suspect that something might be wrong with Mrs. Baker.

bronze Andy: It was Rick’s turn to run along side the truck during their delivery route with the “cursed extra case.”

bronze Bryn: “Nine million five hundred fifty-three thousand four hundred and sixty-three bottles of coke on the wall, nine million five hundred fifty-three thousand four hundred and sixty-three bottles of coke, take one down, pass it around..*sigh*..nine million five hundred fifty-three thousand four hundred and sixty-two bottles of coke on the wall…I hate this song.”

Mom Huntington: Possible food storage tip.

Dad Huntington: Along with their companion treasures of priceless genealogical records hidden in vaults, deep in a mountainside near Salt Lake City, the Mormons hoard a commodity they believe is essential to their survival.

Andy: Rick’s childhood Lego addiction becomes manifest…

Andy: Rick could not understand why the completed rows would not disappear in this “real-life” game of tetris.

Steve: His widow would regret telling Jerry that the freshest Coca-Cola was on the bottom…

Steve: “Forty-two thousand six-hundred and eighty-seven…forty-two thousand six-hundred and eighty-eight…forty-two thousand, six-hundred and seventy-nine… No, eight…err…sigh. One…two…three…”

Bryn: “. . . first she wanted Sprite, then she wanted Coke, NOW it has to be DIET coke. . . .”

Lily: The covert smuggling of coke across the border was a disaster. Ignacio took his share and headed over to PepsiCo…covert, indeed!

Paxton: “I told her to BUY STOCK in Coke, NOT to STOCK UP on Coke! STUPID CELL PHONE!”

Paxton: “Over the lips and through the gums, look out bladder HERE IT COMES!”

Caption Contest #9

09gold Steve: “Finders keepers, mister.”

bronze Andy: It had been years since Fagin began his school of thievery, but already he could see it was going to be a very lucrative year.

bronze Oliver: The Girl Scouts Of America have a new undercover operation to get you to buy their cookies. “But girls, I’m on a no carb. diet. I swear!”

bronze Paxton: Grandpa’s eye sight was really failing him. He thought he had taken the girls to a park. And well, the girls didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he just looked so happy! “Weee! This slide is great Grandpa!”

Andy: “Sir, sir! Could you help my sister? Her face is melting.”

Mom Huntington: Wow! we minorities get to drive a “thrifty” car on top of the car without seatbelts.

Steve: “Sure, it’s a lot of fun here, but just wait til we get on the highway!”

Paxton: “Don’t worry about the brillo pads on your bottoms girls, I bought the extra insurance THIS time! That’ll teach them! MUHAAHAHAHAHA!”

Paxton: “Wow, they’re doing amazing things with hood ornaments these days!”

Paxton: “Ok, so which one of your girls is my granddaughter?! I’m dying to know.”

Paxton: “What’s it going to take to get you girls to go inside for early morning seminary?”

Emma: Wow, thanks Grandpa this is the best birthday present ever! but…do thay have it in pink?

Caption Contest #10

10gold Edward: “You fool!!! That piece goes on the BOTTOM! Now we have to start all over again!!!”

bronze Astrid: “So you’re really the one who made the ‘Karate Kid’ the ‘Karate Kid’, you’re not just using me to build this house for you!?” “Yeah, I sold the rights to the whole ‘Wax on…Wax off…’ bit so now I have to use a slightly different technique. Which incidently involves you building me a house. But I promise, you’ll be just like the ‘Karate Kid’ when we’re done.”

Steve: “Do you really think we’ll have this runway finished in time for Christmas?”

Mom Huntington: Gee! this is a cool Lego set, we can build palaces with it.

Paxton: “Do you think you could have told me this was suppose to be a two-story, BEFORE we started laying the roof!” “Well . . . maybe they won’t notice!”

Steve: “Aha! And just where do you think you’re going with that, Marcos?” “Phillip! H-h-how did you find me up here?!” “Well, I was missing my 20-foot board and saw you from across the street standing on your roof. Not the best hiding place, my friend.” “Drats…you win this time, Phil. But you can’t keep this wood safe forever!”

Lily: “N-n-now Larry, j-j-just put the beam down. That’s it…nice and easy.” “First you put down that hose, you lousy louse!”

Steve: Roof-top construction aerobics turns out to be a flop.

Emma: wait, wern’t we supposed to do the house over there?…..oh well.

Caption Contest #11

11gold Astrid: “So Dad you don’t know who this kid on your lap is?” “No honey, but keep smiling, we’re on the big screen!”

gold Steve: “Aw, come on Dad. We’ve been traveling for days! There’s no way that psycho blonde lady could have followed us all the way to Montana!”

bronze Becky: Since its DVD release on March 20, 2001, Karina Gonzalez has replayed the closing credits of “Toy Story 2″ nearly four thousand times until, sadly, she “became” that Barbie. “Buh-bye now!”

bronze Dad Mott: “Quit laughing at this real life doll and help me find the button to turn him off before child welfare thinks we’re mistreating a real kid. I know it is under this shirt somewhere.”

Edward: Distracted by the circus clowns, Billy’s parents failed to see the hideous creature that would put an untimely end to their summer picnic.

Mom Huntington: Don’t you just love Disneyland? Juanito.

Caption Contest #12

12gold Andy: “Good game, good game, good game…”

bronze Mom Huntington: “Right-on weirdo!”

bronze Steve: Officer Richards’ 42-game Paper-Rock-Scissors winning streak comes to an end when his opponent trumps his “paper” with “alien claw.”

Astrid: Wow, this whole “Illegal Aliens” bit goes further than we ever thought!

Edward: Hey Bob, long time no see! Yeah, well, it’s tough being a cop these days……

Andy: Officer: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait right—” Alien: “Aw yeah whateva!”

Becky: “You may have MORE fingers, sir, but mine are LONGER!”

Becky: “Officer, this creepy, happy lady holding the newspaper has been following me since 5th Street. Watch out for Weirdo!” “It’s okay. She’s okay.”

Steve: “Hey Zanthor…still not married, eh?”

Caption Contest #13

13gold Astrid: It was a photo-finish in the costume division of the marathon, was it Igor’s foot or Aleksi’s ridiculously long fingers?!

gold David: Bobby and Tommy often wondered why their mother never wanted to take them shopping.

bronze Dad Huntington: With the potential for another vacancy on the US Supreme Court, President Bush this week invited arch-conservative Mordroc Fangbandle and his wife, Betty, to the White House for preliminary interviews and lunch.

Astrid: “People on this planet are SO rude!” “I know! If I had a nickle for every time someone asked me to take my ‘mask’ off today . . . Why I could take over this planet! MUHAHAHA!” “Are we really THAT hideous looking!?”

Mom Huntington: And yet another Edgar Allan Poe fan club.

Steve: “Help! Help! This FREAK is after me!”

Edward: Harold! Stop laughing like an idiot! Good GRIEF it’s embarrasing! SHEESH!

Steve: “Excuse me miss, may I have this dance?”

Steve: Chicago’s Halloween parade wasn’t much this year, but the air show was spectacular!

Caption Contest #14

14gold Astrid: Out of all the things Allison received while Trick-or-Treating, she was most proud of the “Just My Size” Grenade Kit. But now what is she going to ask Santa for?!

bronze Edward: Sadly, Kimmy would only win second-place at the National Science Fair; her thermo-atomic detonator would lose to Jamie Schmit’s Miracle Plant Manure compound.

bronze Steve: “Tell ya what…I’ll give you 30 seconds to give me another cookie, or this is gonna get interesting.”

Astrid: And 1st place in the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” category goes to none other than Unibomber, Ted Kazinskis’ daughter, Laura.

Steve: We can learn two things from what happened: 1) Little girls should not be allowed to enter an arms dealer’s tent during a weapons sale. 2) Little girls who are permitted to enter should at least be educated concerning the difference between a “necklace” and a “grenade pin.” Poor, poor Sarah.

Mom Huntington: “Hi, I’m a little girl stuck in place with a HUGE grenade next to me.”

Caption Contest #15

15gold Edward: “While Bob and Stan watched the mundane flight of a gander of geese, Jim could only stare in awe as the fiery meteor burned its way toward their humble town. The women prayed in tempered anticipation…”

gold Lily: That’s right. Four long days and four long nights they’ve been waiting on the very beach they had been promised. Yet still no sign of David Hasselhoff…

bronze Oliver: ”It’s a bird!” ”It’s a plane!” ”Hey, I don’t see anything…why is the sky yellow?”

bronze Steve: ”Hey Josh, are you SURE this is the best way to experience a solar eclipse? I don’t feel so good…”

Astrid: Missionaries in Iraq are watching for their next companion to parachutte down from the Apache Helicoptor above.

Steve: “Crazy old lady…she told us the red-roofed white building would be around here, but I don’t see it anywhere!”

Steve: “Shhh! If we’re gonna catch that blue Armpit Gremlin, we’ve got to be very quiet or he’ll find us first!”

Andy: Members of the Birdwatching Club take part in a special rendition of their “Cuckoo for Country” line dance.

Mom Huntington: Yeah, this is new cool dance, you just need binoculars.

Ryan: After a long and arduous hunt, Search and Rescue looks heavenward for direction. Unbeknownst to them the answer comes in a still small voice.

Caption Contest #16

16gold Mom Mott: “The end of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.” And now you know the rest of the story. This is Paul Harvey — good day!

bronze Becky: The Progression of the Dough-Makers — First day on the job: carefully study the dough (seen here on left). First week on the job: pay attention to your own dough; try not to add too much flour (center). After years of experience: show-off and earn the envy of the amateurs.

bronze Dad Mott: Heeeeyah. (Customer only ordered half a japanese pizza).

Astrid: “It’s all in the wirst . . . it’s all in the wrist!”

Lily: “Haha! It’s-a my karate chop-a pizza dough throw!”

Astrid: “If you drop that on my head, my moves are going to match the words on your shirt. . .”

Edward: Once again Tino flaunts his skills in the face of his brothers who, sadly, were not accepted at the International Pizza Institute. The resentment boils stronger with each toss…

Steve: “This yeast is really somethin…quick, grab it!”

Becky: The Progression of the Dough-Makers: First day on the job: carefully study the dough (seen here on left). First week on the job: pay attention to your own dough; try not to add too much flour (center). After years of experience: show-off and earn the envy of the amateurs.

Steve: “That’s nice, Fred. Very funny. Now give Jake his hat back.”

Astrid: “And my highschool guidance counselor said I’d never amount to anything!”

Caption Contest #17

17gold Dad Huntington: “So do you think the glasses are going a bit too far?”

gold Steve: “Harold! When I asked you to stuff the turkey, I didn’t mean…sigh. Did you take your medication this morning?”

bronze Andy: Frank didn’t like it, but he found himself forced to hire a turkey to help him hatch the eggs on his head.

Astrid: “You can make me wear the hat while your mother is here, Thelma, but you can’t make me like it!”

Andy: “Marge! Have you seen that blasted turkey? Ah cain’t find ‘em anywhere!” [mumbling] It’s like he knows it’s thanksgiving tomorrow…”

Astrid: For Christmas last year Harold’s wife enrolled him in the “Hair-Piece of the Month Club” . . . Needless to say he’s dreading this years’ gift!

Becky: Only an old man can get away with this . . .

Becky: “Yeah, well it’s not funny, Norma! Can’t a Grampa amuse his grandkids on Thanksgiving?”

Caption Contest #18

18gold Becky: Fan hat: $40; Uniform: $75; Watching grown men do a high kick: priceless.

bronze David: Iran’s worries of the U.S. invading brought bizarre and desperate ideas. Seen here is Iran’s finest troops doing the "scare dance." Scaring the U.S. into destroying any invading plans it had regarding the mentally unstable nation.

bronze Lily: The Boy Scouts of India perform a very special rendition of ”The Nutcracker Suite” for their families.

bronze Mom Huntington: Eat your heart out NY Rockettes!

bronze Steve: “Wait, you fool, we’re wearing steel-toed boots! Turn it off! Confound you, turn the blasted machine off!”

Astrid: Hey look, it’s my neighbors doing their morning exercises!

Astrid: ESPN-INDIA debuted last week with the first LIVE coverage of the NICC – National Indian Cheerleading Competition.

Steve: [SNAP] “That’s not good. Please take me to the hospital. Seriously.”

Steve: In the Middle East, field goals are kicked simultaneously.

Astrid: “You’re never going to lose those love-handles if you keep kicking so low! Now, when I say ‘Kick’ you say ‘HOW HIGH?’!”

Andy: In a competition that gathered thousands, the two contestants would kick the professionally folded gourmet napkins from off their heads… without moving any other part of the body!

Andy: Before fly-swatters were invented. . .

Caption Contest #19

19gold Steve: Q: What’s the difference between this boat and the average Mottfam caption contest in recent months? A: The boat’s still afloat and only half of its participants have jumped ship! Ba-dum-CHING!

bronze Andy: The timing was perfect. Kitty, a secret agent, lept from the raft just milliseconds before the charge that he planted earlier detonated.

bronze Astrid: Even while on vacation Skipper the Wonder Cat can’t ignore the call of a fellow feline in need! He just didn’t know the balance on the raft depended on HIM.

bronze David: Sarah’s Dad did not realize how costly his idea was in getting rid of the cat…until he only had two kids left.

Astrid: Marc thought he had planned it all perfectly, he would make their cats’ disappearance look like an accident and Astrid would never know the truth! That was until Steve posted the picture online!

Steve: Kate and Whiskers demonstrate an impressive law of physics as they attempt to leap from the rubber raft to the motor boat dragging them.

Edward: His hideous plan suddenly begins! The thermal disrupter activates, and Mr. Whiskers leaps through the air, making his desperate escape just as the raft is about to blow!

Astrid: Felines everywhere have learned a few lessons from Whisker’s tragic accident. . .1. NEVER forget your life jacket while out at sea and 2. NEVER leave your cat-like reflexes behind!

Caption Contest #20

gold Andy: After seeing his wife passed out next to him, Rich didn’t find the pie to be so appetizing anymore.

gold Astrid: After his first bite, Ricardo realized that it wasn’t a typo, it really was ”BLOOD-BERRY” pie, NOT blueberry! You would think he would have stopped after that, but his canibal insticts, which he had supressed since reading Pipi Longstockings as a boy, kicked in and he surpassed all his competitors and finished the blood-berry pie in World Record time!

gold Becky: “I love this pie…I love this pie…I like this pie…I like this pie…I want to eat this pie…I…want…to…I think I’m gonna be sick!!!”

gold Steve: Unable to afford standard manufacturing facilities, Pie-a-stroika, a Russian pie producer, hires young people to suck cherries from a large vat and deposit them into pre-formed pie molds.

Steve: “Uh, Sarah…SARAH! Stop eating. This isn’t pie.”

Caption Contest #21

21gold Andy: With reverent calm, Jim casts the “summon hat” spell.

gold Steve: “Haha, yes! Now his wallet!”

bronze Becky: Bleeding and bewildered, Ron Hathaway felt a creepy connection to a Hitchcock movie he had seen years ago…

Astrid: “Wait Jim! Wait! You almost left without your hat!” “Gee thanks guys! I knew it wasn’t just the SNOW that was missing on this ski trip! What would a man do without his vultures! Probably forget his hat . . . that’s what.”

Steve: It wasn’t the most efficient way to dress himself, but efficiency was of little concern for Zanathor, Lord of Falcons.

Mom Huntington: so the legend continues and that’s how the people in Pajaro Island know it’s spring when the falcons take the hats off the folks in town.

Caption Contest #22

22 Steve: V-V-Violet, Inc., a purple fabric manufacturer, always enjoyed the surge in sales that inevitably preceded a Walton family reunion.

bronze Andy: The Wonka hunting party’s glorious return.

Astrid: And people say Mormon’s are weird!?

Astrid: “Congratulations Lily and Steve . . . you’re now the parents of a beautiful caged animal!”

Mom Huntington: Happy Groundhogs Day!

Steve: “Bradley, wipe that goofy smile off your face. At least ACT like this isn’t the first time someone’s taken your picture.”

Astrid: “So just becasue I didn’t see my shadow doesn’t mean I’m cutting any deals with the people of Chicago . . . -20 degree weather it is for you this weekend, unless you can get me away from these dressed up freaks!”

Edward: Captive and humiliated, Sunny was subjected to the cruel publicity of his captors, who had determined that only the Easter Bunny himself would be a suitable mascot for the elite Easter Club–little did they realize that their celebratory Easter Eggs had been planted by the Easter Bunny’s spy network, set to detonate at their master’s command………..

Steve: Is it just me, or does the old guy in the front look a little like the old father in “Something Wicked This Way Comes?”

Caption Contest #23

23 Mom Huntington: “You should see my M&M’s hat!”

Steve: “Popcorn! Get ya popcorn here! Buy a family tub, get yaself one of my kids to help ya expand ya family! Popcorn!”

Astrid: See sweetie, I told you we don’t need to buy Tommy any toys, all any kid really needs is a fresh bag of trash to play with!

Astrid: Jeffrey soon realized that the hats that come with popcorn at a BYU basket ball game were nowhere near as cool as the ones his parents had gotten him when they paid a mere $10 for cotton candy at Disney on Ice! (Please note: If anyone would like to see a nice photo of Marc with that $10 cotton candy hat on please contact me directly at [e-mail address removed for Astrid's protection]).

Steve: “You’ll never guess what I have in my hat…”

Astrid: The people close enough to have seen what was inside the bucket immediately laughed when the kid stuck it over his head—didn’t he realize it was being used as a spittoon?

Caption Contest #24

24 Andy: “Hey punk! You call my kid a fur ball? What else you got to say little man?”

Mom Huntington: “Dad?”

Steve: “Alright, now back up nice and easy…DO IT! Or so help me, this adult koala has eaten his last eucalyptus leaf!”

Astrid: Do you have a staring problem, Sir!? Let my son and I have some privacy!

Andy: The koalas couldn’t understand why the man was kissing a log.

Steve: “We are siameeese, if you pleeease…”

Astrid: “Can’t these humans read, the sign clearly states ‘No tapping on or smushing your face on the glass!’”

Caption Contest #25

25 Betsy: “best prom ever”

Mom Huntington: “Stich Squad”

Astrid: When my date called and said she was having another “minor dress crisis” I wasn’t expecting this! I’m not so sure my sewing maching can fix this one!

Andy: A member of “Singing Singers with Singers,” Michael overnighted himself to arrive at the group’s next performance. This is Michael posing for a picture after hopping up front and notifying the startled driver that “this was his stop.”

Edward: Will you be my valentine?

Steve: “You see?! I have powers that you can’t even begin to comprehend! And I made this costume myself!”

Astrid: “You know . . . ‘A stitch in time saves . . . uh . . . UPS!’”

Andy: Jason—drunk and giggling—avoided the DUI charges by making a brown uniform for one of the officers.

Caption Contest #26

26 Andy: “…Yeah! And then he told her he never wanted to see her again…haha! Didn’t he, Jess? The worst breakup story I’ve heard, let me tell ya. Hahaha–Jess?”

Astrid: “Thirty days in February, that’s a good one Jen!”

Steve: “No, Rachel, Simon said touch your MOUTH. Can you show mommy where your mouth is?”

Mom Huntington: Oh, I know my roommates are true, they are always laughing behind my back.

Becky: Is this sympathy or empathy? Oh, right, NEITHER!

Astrid: “Edward still hasn’t voted again!? That’s funny! HA HA HA!” “Oh stop it, you’re making me cry!”

Andy: “Hey Mom—who’s your favorite kid?”

Caption Contest #27

27 David: Sucia Electronics has the greatest faith that their electronics will always work…which explains why they have to have a personal service rep built into each one of their products.

Emma: dont mind me sir, just doing my job.

Lily: Fine, Mr. Kim. Choose number fifty-eight. But I’m not sticking my neck out for you ever again. Not ever.

Mom Huntington: choose the right! choose the right!

Steve: “The Wizard of Oz will see you now.”

Astrid: By cleverly disguising himself as part of the ATM machince, Chen obtains PIN numbers and other important information to continue in his lucrative fraud business.

Andy: [no caption needed - hilarious!]

Edward: May I help you, sir?

Andy: “Psst—the next win is on slot #7!”

Andy: “Excuse me, sir. Could you tell me why credit cards keep flopping onto my floor over here?”

Andy: “Um. Sir—you can’t stuff a McValue Meal into the card-reader…”

Andy: “Yeah, your arm is pretty stuck! It will keep pulling you in, too. The good news is, once it stops at your neck, they’ll put your head up here with me!”

Andy: “You just can’t keep from getting a head in this line of work!”

Andy: “The next time you want to thumb-wrestle, can we just play out in the open?”

Andy: Japanese guillotines.

Andy: “It’s s-so cold in here. P-Please, release me!”

Andy: “Well of COURSE there’s no keyboard—it’s a touchscreen!”

Steve: “What?! I pressed C-2! I wanted M&M’s, not Mr. Yochi’s head! Stupid vending machine…”

Becky: “As one participant observed, ‘Bai Ming’s science fair project put all of ours to shame. I mean, obviously, it allowed the judges to view it from a whole new perspective. I’m jealous,’ he added with a chuckle.”

Dad Mott: Do you really think that these cardboard ATM machines will fool people into putting their debit cards and PINs in here?

Dad Mott: I still don’t know why this thing won’t work. It looks ok in here.

Mom Mott: Hey Duuude! Let’s play Poke-maaan.

Dad Mott: Push that button again and I’ll come out there and smack you!

Mom Mott: Now, this machine is truly ahead of its time!

Caption Contest #28

28 Andy: “Alright…and STOP! There–see that cut? He got that over on the reef.”

Dad Mott: “I told you they wouldn’t be able to see our clothesline.”

Andy: Even as a boy, Saruman took delight in the flinging of his friends.

Astrid: “In the TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI ROOM, In the TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI ROOM . . . why can’t I get that balsted song out of my head, it’s literally driving my CRAZY!”

Mom Huntington: “Abra Cadabra turn over you fool!”

Steve: “It was you all along! You’re the one who’s been causing the mysterious wipeouts! Don’t think you’re gonna get away with this just cuz you’re bigger than the rest of us.”

Becky: As his brothers watch in amazement, Julio performs his magic trick of swinging on an invisible bar while holding his invisible surfboard.

Steve: “…and then you align the surfboards, just like th–woah! It works! The portal’s opening!”

Becky: “Hey Wayne! Hold my board, dude! I feel a backflip comin’ on!” “Whoa, cool!”

Caption Contest #29

29 Steve: “It’s no wonder your store’s goin’ outta business, Ernie. Your selection is terrible.”

Andy: Edna: “None shall pass.” Orval: “Could I just slip right by here–” Edna: “NONE SHALL PASS!”

Astrid: “Don’t waste your time, this photo booth is broken! Technology . . . what a waste of time!”

Mom Huntington: “Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe that I was a NY Rockette.”

Andy: Though it was an innocent mistake, Jingfei left the men’s bathroom horrified.

Andy: Fred was bewildered: Little Nancy was only 9 when she left her grandpa and went in to the mysterious room. A minute later, she emerged…

Steve: Only a few moments after pulling the lever, Hank’s chuckle turns to a maniacal laugh as his first “Evil Grandma” drone rolls off the assembly line.

Steve: “Trick or treat.”

Caption Contest #30

30gold Steve: “Complete control.”

bronze Andy: “I don’t think I’d be comfortable using these new cell phones…”

Mom Huntington: “so where does the water come out of?”

David: Hmmm… John, I don’t think this is as intimidating to the neighborhood children like the .50 caliber machine gun we saw back there would be.

Andy: He had been eyeing her the whole convention—should he ask for her phone number? He decides to give it a shot…

Andy: Jim’s last words were: “Man—all these guns are loaded! SHOOT!!”

Emily: When you’re a seeeea-horse, ooof course, surely he knoooooows.

Astrid: Since his rise to popularity following American Idol, William Hung always makes sure he and his date “pack heat” for protection from the papa-razi.

Caption Contest #31

31 Andy: “Side effects in this experiment? Oh, you don’t EVEN want to know. Let’s just hope you’re getting the placebo.”

Steve: “You talk too much, sweetheart. I’m sure the officer doesn’t want to hear all those boring stories about what goes on in our basement. Shhhhh. Shhhhh.”

David: Hmmm… I wonder if diphtheria is really as bad as this shot…

Andy: Mrs. Jones knew there was only one way to see if it really was a manikin…

Andy: “So… you said you got this bullet lodged in here bumping into your fridge?”

Steve: “Well, your father and I want you to know that you’re grounded—ah, there it goes—and we really mean it this time.”

Steve: “Ah, I’m going to put out this lighted cigarette on this chinchilla now…there. As you can see, I’m just letting it burn there…it doesn’t harm the coat at all…”

Edward: Hi, my name’s Lisa. I wasn’t always a human test subject, but after that nuclear waste accident left me radioactive I’ve spent the past six years as a living guinea pig for Biotechonolics International.

Betsy: (comment, not a caption) steve…..you’re going out of your mind……LOL

Mom Huntington: “don’t worry, this is going to hurt you more than it will hurt me.”

Becky: “Oh, what was it again… pinch, push, poke? No, no, pinch, poke, then push! Glen is going to be doing more than dishes and laundry when we get home!”

Dad Mott: Here I have Satan’s antidote to the “stupor of thought”


David: “Nurse, let me get this straight… You’re giving me a shot where blood is trickling out and you are NOT wearing gloves. Now I understand how diseases spread.”

Edward: I hate my life.

Caption Contest #32

32 Andy: “No, seriously—let go.”

Mom Huntington: “thanks for the coco darlin’, ahhh! the misery of getting old nobody knows if you are a girl or a guy!”

Becky: “Hand me a glass, darlin’! I may be old, and I may be blind, but I know a good, strong root beer when I smell it.” ”Here, here!”

Steve: “Good luck? Really? Well in that case, could you spit in my glass too, Mr. Thompson?”

Steve: “But there’s nothing in this c—” “Cough cough—just take it, Ella—thanks for this great party, Mr. Robertson! A toast to you, the best boss we could ask for!”

Edward: Happy 794th birthday Grandpa!

Caption Contest #33

33 Steve: “Alright, Michael. Um, not bad for your first time. But, uh, I think we might take a few minutes next week to review lane changing…”

Becky: “I will never buy a car on Ebay again!”

Lily: Tragic as it was, many believed it to be a fitting fate for the man that ran over the Geico gecko.

Steve: “Yes, you’ve told me about its 4 tires and its excellent crumple zones. I guess I just have one question before I’m sold—what’s its gas mileage?”

Astrid: So do you think it’s still driveable once you get the hood fixed?

Steve: Law enforcement scores for the city plummeted after a gang of thieves was able to make 36 uninterrupted trips to the police chief’s car.

Becky: For a “found object” artist, this is heaven!”

Becky: “. . . and, dude, the most amazing part is that she walked away – I mean, shaken up, of course . . . ” “Wo-o-ow!”

Mom Huntington: All you need is some fresh paint and it’ll look like new!

Steve: “So do you think Dad’ll notice?”

Emily: Dag blast it! She forgot to shut the door — again!

Andy: “Have you tried the radiator?” “I’m telling you, honey, your purse is not in here!”

Andy: “Yeah, but I’m looking for a car with the exhaust in the FRONT.” “How ’bout this one?” “I’ll take it!”

Steve: “True, the Japanese models may be more reliable, but their styling just doesn’t appeal to me.”

Andy: After dropping his Zippo onto the passenger seat, Jim quickly discovered what the “stop-drop-and roll” feature on his car really did.

Steve: “So maybe shipping this car through the US postal service wasn’t the best idea…”

Andy: The crash test went perfectly. On impact, the hood popped up and kept all the passengers safely inside the cabin.

Steve: “Certainly Mr. Hendricks, we’ll have your car looking good as new in no time…now, uh, if you could just point us to the front!”

Jenny: My name is Dummy, and this is my car.

Andy: When her boss told her she needed to get up to speed on the auto reports, Ms. Lee took the suggestion too literally.

Dad Mott: …and the D.E.A. found nothing.

Mom Mott: “I took the fast lane!” (And my name is Dummy)

Andy: “When I told you to ‘buckle up,’ I meant you—not the car!”

Steve: “Yeah, we’ve all heard ‘don’t drink and drive.’ I’d add to that, ‘don’t drink and build a car.’”

Edward: Suddenly it began to dawn on them…this was no transformer….

Caption Contest #34

34 Emma: “oh, mom, i dont need these things anymore! i have all my teeth. Give it to someone who really needs it…like Grandma.”

David: he he he…And you say mommy that you don’t buy every food I want…

Mom Huntington: The North High Chair Diet!

Steve: “Pfft, yeah right lady, like I didn’t feel that. You can put that wallet right back where you found it.”

Steve: “…11…12. Sigh. Mom, we shouldn’t be here.”

Andy: It wasn’t until Albertsons repositioned their cameras that they discovered the identity of the mysterious “Gerber Thief.”

Andy: “I got the milk, eggs, and fabric softener!”

Andy: “Well mom—looks like I’ll be eatin’ good for the next couple weeks… but what are you going to do?”

David: Hmmm, this blended peachy looks good…

Caption Contest #35

35 David: “Kiyeoshi, your baby has no fashion whatsoever. Get him a matching bandanna.”

Mom Huntington: wow! I really like these new action figures.

Steve: “Ha ha, that’s funny, I ordered the same thing!”

Becky: “Psst! Hey, cousin. Did he just say that the first person to touch the ground with anything except the soles of his feet loses? We can’t even walk yet!” “Yeah, I don’t think we’re cut out to be sumo wrestlers.”

Becky: “It’s nasty, I tell ya’, nasty! And I just changed ‘em both 5 minutes ago!”

Andy: “By jove—these little guys _*do*_ fit in to our clothes.”

David: “Kioshi, when my eleven pound six ounce child gets older you know he will throw your little ten pound nine ounce child around. Sorry to crush your hopes.”

Andy: “Yeah, holding these chubby babies certainly makes me feel thinner, eh Kiyoshi?”

Caption Contest #36

36 Andy: “All day long you kids just biddy biddy bum.”

Dad Mott: “For the last time — where did you kids hide our razors?”

Steve: The children weren’t kidding when they said they’d take the secret with them to their graves.

Steve: Jew Skoo

Andy: “Hmm, no, too many braids—Next!”

Becky: “Which one is daddy?”

Becky: Dress rehearsal would have been flawless if only Amir had faced the audience.

Mom Huntington: Peek-a-boo!!

Steve: “No, mister, that didn’t scare us at all. However, your friend in the back kinda does…”

Andy: “Honestly kids—who’s the prettiest?”

Andy: “Let me tell ya Susan, it’s not comfortable to share one belt with three other guys.”

Dad Huntington: “…And now my lovely assitants, Lazar, Menachem, Schlomo and Bob, will place the children inside the magic purim box…”

Caption Contest #37

37 Steve: “Oh please, Mom, TV doesn’t really influence me…”

Astrid: “Cross my heart…Hope to die…stick a needle in my…hand!? What? Mom, we definitely need to upgrade from BASIC cable!”

Becky: “Now that’s your left hand, sweetie. So show mommy which one is your right?”

Mom Huntington: And this is a hand…a hand.

Caption Contest #38

38 Becky: Lowe’s associate: “How can I help you?” Incapable father: “…Uh, well, I’m actually looking for something that can remove SuperGlue from my hand…and my son’s hair.”

Betsy: “I wonder how long it will take for them to figure out that this isn’t Disneyland…”

Edward: Watch the road, boy!

Mom Huntington: No lookee at candy and chips section!

Steve: “Ok, ok, outta the car…it’s my turn.”

Becky: “Eww, daddy! They’re kissing!” “Don’t stare, son. It’s rude.”

Becky: “And it looks like the number 48 car has pulled over for a pit stop.” “No, John. That’s actually a pep talk!”

Astrid: “Dad, can you cover my ears so I don’t have to listen to you tell your sob story to Kaitlin about how ‘when I was a little boy we didn’t have fancy shopping carts like this . . .’ It’s getting OLD dad, just like you!”

Astrid: “Now kids, cover you ears before we get to the plumming section of the store. . . They call it a ‘potty mouth’ for a reason!”

Caption Contest #39

39 Dad Mott: For some it was a blankee, for others–a pacifier. For Elwood, it was sunglasses…and he never quite grew out of them.

Andy: Billy’s parents intentionally left his pants too long–a bitter reminder of his inferior growth rate.

Becky: “You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look goood!”

David: Momma, I don’t know if people are looking more at me because of my appearance or if it’s because of your…loud dress.

Astrid: Even as a baby, Tom Cruise’s parents knew he had “the look”!

Steve: “Don’t judge me.”

Becky: Mikey Jorgensen (Tattoo in ‘Fantasy Island’s comeback appearance) walks the red carpet. “Da plane! Da plane!”

Astrid: Paparazi: “Your shoe’s un-tied . . . YOUR SHOE IS UN-TIED!” Child Star: “Please, you people! That’s the oldest trick in the book! I’m not falling for that!” Mom of Child Star: “Honey your shoe reallly IS un-tied!” Child Star: “How embarassing! At least it wasn’t my zipper or else they’d all still know I was still in diapers . . . oops I mean look there’s J-Lo!”

Becky: “…Yeah? Well you ain’t nothing but a hound dog!”

Becky: “…Oh, yeah, I know it’s not sunny. But this nice lady’s dress is not good for my young eyes.”

Mom Huntington: Hey! step aside ‘tickle-me Elmo’ – Baby Mafia is here.

Andy: Billy didn’t realize it was the mayor’s wife he had asked out.

Caption Contest #40

40 Mom Huntington: The Hunchback of where ever.

Andy: –Here, reach. Now. –I’m trying. –Up! –I can’t make it! –Yes, you can. –Come along, Mrs. Thornhill. (note by Steve: “Am I the only one who got this??”)

Astrid: “Scaling buildings…Because using the stairs is SO last year!”

Becky: “…and it wasn’t just my nose! She said since I won’t cut my hair, she’s breaking up with me! What’s the use???”

Betsy: Geico life insurance. So easy a caveman can do it.

Lily: There was no way Joey was getting out of this one. The whole crowd below had caught him white-handed. How embarassing…

Andy: Frank tried to let go, but his hands were already becoming one with the stone.

Steve: “Whew, that was a close one…I really should move my bed away from the window.”

Steve: “One more caption contest, and I’ll do it, Steve. I’m serious. I will.”

Steve: Sadness took hold when an aging Superman woke up one morning and found that he could no longer leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Betsy: Sadness took hold when an aging Superman woke up one morning and found that he looked like an ugly caveman.

Becky: “Can’t…hold…on…much…longer!!!”

Andy: Though Jessica kept her hair grown out and dressed in the most feminine jackets, there was nothing she could do to hide her man-hands.

David: The police said that the protesters could not scale the wall… five minutes later they realized all was lost.

Caption Contest #41

Astrid: “All I know is the postman better not try to get out of delivering my mail today…He took an oath!”

Becky: When Enid took her morning bath, she didn’t LITERALLY mean for Calgon to take her away…

David: “Ha ha ha…See baby, even though it’s flooding, things could be worse. Just think how we would be that person floating down the street in our car. Who knows where he’ll end up?”

Mom Huntington: I’m singing in the flood, just singing in the flood…

Steve: “Hey Charles…I think my water broke.”

Steve: “Haha! You were right, honey, we did leave the faucet running!”

Becky: A typical returned missionary attitude: “If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay…”

Astrid: “Wow, that new ‘Hurricane Katrina’ ride at Universal Studios is AWESOME! I almost thought it was the real thing.”

Andy: “That’s just great—Instead of helping me out of the car, he’s over there playing ventriloquist!”

Astrid: “And they say it isn’t even the rainy season here!”

Astrid: “Now kids, I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson today . . . NEVER TRUST THE WEATHERMAN!!”

Caption Contest #43 (42 skipped)

43 Andy: “Umm… Kamchatka attacking Northwest Territory—two dice only.”

Astrid: “Darling, I want this. Buy it for me.” “I’m sorry dear, but that’s Massachusetts, someone already owns that!” “Then just buy me a golden goose like that girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wants!”

Andy: Man: “My, gosh!! They blew it all up! My… my house—I used to live… right here!”

Steve: “So not one of our competitors has a fast-food location in the middle of the Atlantic? Tina…Mark! Get on this right away!”

Andy: Mark: “Our gunships are waiting for your order, Mr. President.” Pres: “Ohhh, man. This is wood *so* smooth.” Mark: “Mr. President—your decision?” Pres: “Hang on—Mary, Tina, you gotta feel this. Go on, touch it.”

Steve: Bobbing for countries was a favorite party game at the Jameson estate.

Ryan: Judge Judy at a loss for words…

Becky: “If there’s a place ya gotta go, I’m the one ya need to know, I’m the map. I’m the map, I’m the map…” (Obviously, these executives forgot to consult with Dora.)

Ryan: “Sacre bleu! What is dis??? I demanded ceramic; those idiots made it out of plastique!”

Ryan: “Honey, where did we park the yacht?” Sporting his shrewd disguise, Captain Jack Sparrow remains silent.

Edward: Look dear it’s Texas!

Mom Huntington: Whoa! this game of Risk is getting out of hand!

Steve: “Uh, may I just take a moment to remind our guests that the museum is a privilege, not a right, and that you can look, but please don’t touch…yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. Roberts.”

Edward: “Send five thousand Republicans to Boston at once–if the Democrats take the state, our defenses won’t last long. Evacuate the women and children!”

Caption Contest #44

44 Steve: “And I told you, I’m not interested in ‘The Big Bang.’ That’s kids’ stuff. Whaddya got in the back?”

Becky: Hey kid, read this. It’s sayin’ I can’t sell to you without your parents!

Edward: Billy carefully plots his takeover

Mom Huntington: o.k so how am I going take this huge box of trouble home?

Steve: Mikey seeks out the best bang for his buck.

Andy: Just like when he bought his bike.

Andy: Marketing had told them they needed to revamp their candy displays to sell more of their cheap sweets—and they were right. $20 worth of Whoppers? Try $580.

Becky: Elliott wondered if his Extra-Terrestrial friend could endure “The Big Bang.” There was only one way to know…

Steve: “Well sir, you’re not gonna believe this, but it says here in my science textbook that the whole universe started with that box right over there…”

Caption Contest #45

45 Andy: Girl in purple: “Now’s our chance. Let’s make for that guy with the camera and tell him everything!” / Girl in yellow shorts: “It’s too late—she has me. Run.”

David: “Tess, somehow I have this feeling that when this parade is over, that they’ll find our skeletons here with these flags.”

Becky: Announcer: “…as we honor these two remarkable women. Please welcome Ruth and Tess Frances!…Ruth and Tess Frances!?” / Tess: “How long should we keep ‘em waiting?”

Lily: Lifelong friends Judy and Doris enjoying the parade as young girls [right] and again in the twilight of life [center]. The parade is still boring, but at least life has taught them to park it.

Mom Huntington: This Belarus parade is for the young ones.

Steve: “…this one’s a congressional medal for bravery in combat, this is for exemplary service to the nation, and that’s for heroism beyond the call of duty — what about yours?” “Pinewood derby.”

Becky: Tess: “I don’t feel like celebrating.” Ruth: “10 more minutes and the parade will be over.” Tess: “Mmm, do you think the pie crusts will be ready when we get home?” Ruth: “Well I can smell ‘em from here.”

David: “Ruth, with how many medals we have on, we should be in this military parade…”

Steve: “They pin one more medal on me, and I’m gonna be on my back!”

Andy: “I’m running low—Can I have another of your chocolate medals?”

Andy: It was a sick indication of an uncaring society: After the two actors faked a fall, the crowd curiously gathered—but were too patriotic to help them up.

Steve: Janet and Roberta would never again entrust a stranger with their camera. You couldn’t even see Michael Jackson’s face!

Astrid: “I thought they were suppose to throw candy!? You mean I got all dressed up for nothing!!!”

Emma: this parade is a joke!…thay just don’t make ‘em like thay use to.

Caption Contest #46

46 Emma: are you sure i don’t like, look fat in this?

Steve: “…'cause this is THRILLER, thriller night, and no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike…”

Astrid: “Wow, they didn’t get any blood on my uniform when they removed a finger from each of my hands! That’s impressive. Oh wait, nevermind, there is a spot! Must have been a rookie.”

Mom Huntington: Simon says, put your hands on your belt!

Andy: “Salanski you fool! In Stealth Combat Training the choke strap goes around the neck!”

Astrid: “Enough with the head, shoulders, knees and toes. When I said drop and give me 20, I mean push-ups you fool!”

Becky: I can’t believe I did that! Ugh! And now for my stinkin’ stupidity, I’m being discharged. Mom will not be proud…

Edward: What the — you idiot! That was a grenade I was holding! Now we’re all doomed!

David: “This back scratcher is amazing! Turn it up two notches.”

Caption Contest #47

47 Astrid: Rather than go see a chiropractor when his back went out, Richard simply committed a crime and then resisted arrest…worked like a charm every time!

Becky: “Bad boy, bad boy. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do now that they’ve got you?!”

David: “Push his head harder…He’s still talking!”

Steve: One of Mottfam’s biggest fans tries to push through security. Don’t let him through, Sergeant Rendórsëg!

Astrid: The sneeze police test out their new sneeze guards on repeat offender Eugene.

Steve: “…but the good news is: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”

Mom Huntington: Hey! I just wanted to say ‘Hi Mom’!!

Caption Contest #48

48 Andy: “Let’s get down to bizzzness! To defeat, [hwah!] the nuns!”

Lily: Nuns Encourage Jazzercise as the Solution for Those Inmates Seeking Reformation of Their Soul…and Rhythm.

Andy: Kung Fu Legends VII: Back in the Habit

Steve: When asked to decide between aerobics, dance, or yoga, the inmates at Dorado County State Penitentiary chose “none.” But the warden misunderstood…

Astrid: Tryouts for Sister Act 20

Becky: “I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it….”

Emily: “You want a piece of this!?! Our hardcore escapees have come to play… and we got heaven on our side… suckers.”

David: Nana and her “crew” go way beyond intimidation.

Emma: never mess with a nun.

Astrid: Richard Simmons’ latest in the “Sweatin’” Series has a new twist. “Shake off the sin . . . and shake of the pounds!”

Mom Huntington: Step a side ‘Singing Nun’ and ‘Flying Nun’!!

Edward: Sister Cathy, the spry young novice at Saint Mary of Intentional Misfortunes’ State Women’s Penitentiary, could only hope her radical ideas would work–if Father John saw a real change in the hearts of these misunderstood criminals, then perhaps thousands could be saved –all by turning angry violence into a beautiful, interpretive dance.

Caption Contest #49

49 Becky: Last Friday, two escaped convicts posed as acrobats…until they were caught by the net…and the police. Authorities say this wasn’t the first time they pulled this stunt.

Astrid: Twins Vladymir and Yuri had been separated at birth, now Vladymir wishes he hadn’t been so diligent in his search for his long lost twin brother.

David: “You better pray now boy! Once I get up there all you’re gonna hear is a belt clearing belt loops!”

Steve: 2-dimensional tightrope walkers have an unfair advantage…

Andy: “I want my TWO DOLLARS!!!”

Steve: “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…uh…bike streamers?”

Andy: We’ve seen the results of bicyclists on steroids in the Tour de France. Now—the results of bicyclists after doin’ the doob.

Becky: “Trained professionals. Do not attempt.”

Astrid: “For the last time, why can’t we just do a trapeze act for the family reunion like all our circus freak relatives?” “I told you . . . Trapeze are for sissies!”

Astrid: “So help me Eugene, you’ve listened to that R Kelley CD for the last time! I don’t care if YOU ‘believe you can fly,’ gravity DOESN’T!”

Mom Huntington: Look at me I’m the king of the world!

Caption Contest #50

50 Astrid: “So I guess all the GOOD costumes were taken this year, huh Dad?!”

Becky: “No you may NOT have my autograph! I already told you – I was never in ‘Babes in Toyland’… I don’t care WHAT these girls read in the paper!”

Steve: “Ok, open your eyes! Now guess which one’s my finger.”

Mom Huntington: Ola! little boy, yo soy Pinocchio can you say Pin-o-cchio?

Steve: “And don’t you ever lie to your father again! Your father’s never told a lie, so why do you th…woah. Uh, don’t tell mom about this…”

Becky: Another teaching moment: “Son, I love you, and I know your hungry, but you may NOT eat daddy’s nose.”

Steve: “So just keep on eatin’ ‘em popsicles…but don’t say I didn’t warn ya!”

Andy: Don’t you EVER make fun of my nose again, you hear?

Andy: “Headlines don’t sell ‘papes—real boys sell ‘papes!”

Caption Contest #51

51 Andy: “Son, you must choose a slice—But choose wisely. For as the True slice will bring you life, the False slice will take it from you. Your sister here…chose poorly.”

Steve: “I’m old, Bobby. I know I don’t look it, but I’m beginning to feel it in my heart — like frosting scraped over too much cake…”

David: “Tom, I know it’s your birthday son. But don’t you think it’s time for you not to need to have Grandma at your birthday? She has been dead for over a year now.”

Lily: As fast as she could muster, Edna tried to take the knife from little Jimmy’s hand. But she just wasn’t fast enough; Jimmy got to the frosting roses first. Drat!

Astrid: “Oldest living person in the world? . . . Not after she has some of this cake sent over from the second oldest living person in the world!”

Steve: Billy knew his grandma held the record for oldest person, but had anyone claimed the record for most cake eaten in a single sitting? One way to find out…

Steve: “Uh uh uh! No, son. You know, Edna, cremating your husband is one thing, but shaping his remains into a cake probably wasn’t the best idea with little ones around…”

Astrid: “None for me dear, I’m trying to end this whole record for the oldest person alive!”

Edward: As great Aunt Edna watched little Billy cut the cake, she remembered that wonderful, blessed birthday, almost seven-hundred and fifty years ago today, when she had received, under that old apple tree by the well, her first kiss–it seemed like it was just yesterday.

Becky: Father: “Are they treating you all right in here, Gramma?” Edna: “Oh, yes, dear. But I would like to see the sun…you know, go outside for a bit. It’s been thirteen years since I’ve done that.” Little boy: (thinking) I know, granny! Any closer to the cake and you’d blend right in with the frosting!

Astrid: “So Eddie, after all these years, your Daddy is still too CHEAP to spring for the candles!”

Andy: “It’s a what?” “It’s a SWING WING!”

Mom Huntington: Gee Edna you could have had a V8!


Caption Contest #52

52 Andy: “Something has gone terribly wrong in—Giraffic park!”

David: “Sarah, you know what true love is? Sac…ri…fice…”

Mom Huntington: o.k cutie, hand over the carrot…nice and easy!…and no one will get hurt.

Steve: Toys ‘R’ Us kid initiations…

Steve: “Sweetheart, this is Jumbo and Daphne — they’re gonna be taking care of you from now on…”

Becky: Daphne: “Okay, Jumbo. You win THIS scary face contest, but the next spectator is mine!”

Becky: Geoffrey Giraffe: “Mo, wewry! Theh puud poo hod!” (Translation: No, really! She pulled too hard!) Geraldine Giraffe: “See what happens when you taunt a three-year-old?”

Andy: “Only love’s true kiss will change your brother back!”

Steve: “You have been chosen, sweety…go to them.”

2007 Winner: Andy Mott

1. Andy: 83
2. Mom Huntington: 67
3. Astrid: 65
4. Becky: 57
5. David: 35
6. Edward: 33
7. Lily: 29
8. Emma: 21
9. Dad Mott: 17
10. Betsy: 13
11. Dad Huntington: 12
12. Margaret: 8
13. Emily: 6
13. Mom Mott: 6
13. Oliver: 6
14. Bryn: 4
14. Jenny: 4
14. Ryan: 4
Steve: 102

Caption Contest #53

53 Lily: December 31, 2007: “Joe, this is the last time we bet on whether we complete our New Year’s resolutions again! Did you hear me? Never again!”

Mom Huntington: Did I say cut it all off! we meant take 1 inch off!!!

Andy: “Sir, it seems like this razor is stuck!” “Ow! You idiot, that’s my tumor you just cut into!”

Steve: “One at a time, please, one at a time! As you can plainly see with that flashlight, we have absolutely nothing in there. Best part is, you’re still gonna vote for us.”

Caption Contest #54

54 Steve: “Uno!”

Mom Huntington: o.k make that 4 cheese-burgers and a side of fries.

Andy: Now brothers! Brothers! Don’t be alarmed when your stock’s down!! We got to kneel and pray! Can I get an amen?

Andy: Ohhhhhhhh klahoma!

Dallin: “Hey, sir! Can I get fooooooour wigs?!”

Caption Contest #55

55 Becky: “I met him at the [reptile] store / He turned around and smiled at me / You get the picture? (yes, we see) / That’s when I fell for (the leader of the pack).”

Lily: “Okay.” “I’ll be home by eleven, Ma.” “Yeah.” “Naaw, I don’t wanna wear a helmet!”

Mom Huntington: Easy Rider 2008!!

Steve: “Yeah, the Mouse decided to upgrade to a sports car…”

Emma: must be the new kid.

Caption Contest #56

56 Becky: Okay, Mike. Going for $100,000 now and here’s your question. True or False: Like other countries, the United States uses cheerleading as a military tactic. Hm-m-m…

Lily: “2-4-6-8, Who do we appreciate?!!”

Mom Huntington: o.k guys you were all right it is a princess birthday party!!!

Steve: Another reason why Fred, otherwise known as “the guy at the bottom”, didn’t appreciate a government that refused to install flagpoles.

Becky: Hey! There ARE such things as modest uniforms!

Caption Contest #57

57gold Steve: “Pfft, yeah, I’m actually talking to Mike right now, and he’s saying the same thing! And I’ll tell you what I’m telling him; there’s absolutely no indication that we’re heading toward a recession!”

bronze Lily: “Bob?! Man, you’ve gotta get in here quick! You never told me what this red button does, and I’m thinking now I should have asked….”

Becky: Plumber George Mason didn’t know what he was getting into when he agreed to fill in on Wall Street for his identical twin…

Astrid: After several doctors failed to properly treat Harrold’s multiple personality disorder, Harrold decided it was time for the two voices in his head to talk their issues out among themselves.

Mom Huntington: Hi! I’ll have two medium pizza’s…oh hi! I’ll have chop suey and a side of fried noodles.

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